A—A is for Acid.

Abcess—You miss yer vein ya take your lumps, skin poppy!

Abe—Fiver, five bucks. (Never been used in conversation as yet.)

A-Bomb—Acid.

Absinthe—Wormwood, Wormwood Scrubs, Oscar, Verlaine, dandy brandy, absinthe makes the heart grow fonder, Stevie Wormwood.

Acapulco—The best (archaic).

Ace—Ace in the armhole, quark in the wormhole.

Aceing out Mr. Big at the Skag-a-Bowl—Vomiting in the toilet first.

Acid—A-bomb, the bomb, anything with a hydrogen in it (Chemistry), Alice, Alice Not in Chains, Zabriskie Whiskey, LSD. 

Acidhead—Cubist, Picasso, “Get a load of Picasso in the corner there, looks like he’s tripping balls.”

Adam and Eve—First stoners to get set up and be busted for possession.

Adderall—Hyperjacks, Spic n Span, Kangaroos, Carpet Cleaners, Energizer Rabbits, Magwheels, The Movers are Here and They’re the Flying Wallendas.

Aerosol—Huff, Huff n Stuff, Aerosolia Huffington.

Afghani—Also the best (archaic).

Airballs—A-bomb platitudes, e.g., “wow,” “wow, trails,” and “I am God.”

Alcohol—Perfectly safe and legal drug, characterized by mood-swing, black outs, indifference to sadistic impulses, date rape, al, Weird Al, You know me Al, Frat Boy Rage, shout out, jock juice, jug, jugular, yellular, mad dog, electric chair, Russian mafia, Putin poison, skull and crossbones, distilled death camp for cutie, fermented evil, barroom blitz, white lightening, apartheid of one, pickled paranoia, death by misadventure, suicidal tipping point, midnight in moscow, fermented trash bag, yeasty feasty beasty, coldcock, elixir of aleister, antifreeze, ol’ grandad’s rancid snatch, ‘hol, pissfizz, hickory daiquiri dock, Korsakoff’s folly, hooch, blind tiger whoopee, canned heat, hair of the dog, firewater, Russian water, brown bag, anti-growth factor, prison pruno, corn squeeze, snakebite remedy, nip, Tennessee bug juice, Alabama Apple Jack, Kentucky Torpedo, libation congregation, shellac of Kerouac, Lysol, Yeltsin in a Bottle, mouthwash, Prestone, Lully’s folly, Mead Lux Lewis.

Alkaloid—Nitrogenous organic compound.

Alley Juice—Vanilla extract, McCormick’s finest.

AMA—American Morons Association

Amanita muscaria—Red-capped, white-spotted legendary nauseating food of the gods, Little Red Tripping Hood.

Ambien—Sleeping pill, sleepwalking pill, sleepeating pill, sleepdriving pill. “I tied one on last night—then took an ambien, went out for a bacon and pepperoni cheese hamburger, drove to Portland, and woke up dressed in a suit covered with green peper sauce in an elevator shaft in Wyoming.”

Ambrosia—Ancient Greek for dope.

Amide—R + CONH2 group.

Amine—R + NH2.

Ammonia—NH3.

Amphetamines—Speed, meth, Crystal, Kristi, John Glenn, amps, Twin Reverbs, dex, peppies, brown studies, Jack Bennies, blackbirds, black & deckers, tweaker ticklers, Mexican jumping beans, jawbreakers, road dope, trucker’s delight, wake up calls, Saturday night fever, Zoom, whites, white crosses, cross-tops, crank, snap sparkle pop, yips, bips, pips, zips, camptown races, bams, cram time, thrust, yakkety yak, leaps and bounders, glass, ice, house cleaners, zingers, adds, zap, apple jacks, Drive They All Said, A Train, A Plus, Tictacs, West Coast Turnaround, puppy uppers, fast forwards.

Amyl Nitrite—Amyls, amies, poppers, Dr. Penguin’s Poppers, rush, locker room, the Tubes, Ejaculoid, here comes ol’ one eye.

Anabolic Steroids—Arnolds, roids, Meathead, jock juice, muscle mouse, gym candy, bearded lady, Chinese women’s swim team, bitch tits, Me Tarzan, nonads for naiads,

roid rage, Fly Transgender Airlines, Stanozolol Stans, Durabolin Dans.

Angel Dust—PCP, Tie Me Down Like A Kangaroo Sport, Peppermint Pigsty, Boomerang.

Anti-psychotics—Thorazine, Mellaril, Haldol, Stella’s Certified Chemical Lobotomy, tardive dyskensians, droolers, political prisoners.

Apathitude—Passive-aggressive apathy from being burnt out and high at the same time.

Ashram—Detox, rehab, Hazel, the cooler, the icebox, the long dry birdbath.

Avon Lady—Cocaine, Avalon Lady.

B—B is for Barbiturates

Backbreakers—Bad acid, mafia acid, body load, bite your lips and spit them out like croutons.

Back track—What potheads do when they are trying to remember what they were talking about while they are talking to other potheads who have lost even the slightest thread of the original conversation anyway.

Bad trip—The History of Mankind. See Adam and Eve.

Bad weed—Pretendica, ragweed, pretendo, oregano, lumberyard.

Bag—Short for unit of bag sale.

Baggie Bride—Crack whore, ho, Baggie Maggie.

Ballin’ the Jack—Absorption of cocaine through the genital mucosa for purposes of sex while soul-rolling on ecstasy (Mythical).

Balloon—Edible unit of storage—usually heroin, Maker-meeters, not recommended.

Bambino—Babe Ruth, “He’s the Great Bambino of needle Nazis, he gets his hits in all day long!”

Banana Bangers—Nembutals, numb-it-alls, Montgomery Clifts.

Banana Split—Tryptamine candyflipped with phenylalkylalanine, Mescaline/Feminine.

Barbed Wire—To barbiturate overdose through injection is to die “out on the barbed wire.”

Barbiturates—Downers, Amobarbital, Phenobarbital, secobarbital, Nembutal, Seconal, Tuinal, downs, Churchill downs, barbies, reds, yellows, barbitrage (French), Barbara Edens, Klaus Barbies, Purple-Hearted Pink Ladies in Yellow Boleros.   

Base—Freebase, baseball, beisboro, basa, America’s favorite past time, Marin county crack.

Basting the Airedales with Moose Nuggets—Going through the day doing drugs alphabetically in a recreational marathon until one passes out like a deranged, autistic librarian.

Bazookas—Army term for bazooms, breasts, Ol’ Brown Eyes, Ninny jugs, marshmallows, S’mores, pepperonis; also, crack and tobacco combo, basuco, coca toothpaste, basuco joe.

Bead—“I drew a bead on that vein and shot it up.”

Beanbag toss—Speed freak bulimia.

Beans—Seeds.

Beautiful—High, wiped out, smashed.

Beautiful people—Better looking and more well-off flower children.  Spoiled rich kids in torn jeans from The Gap.

Bedbugs—Fellow addicts, strange bedfellows, goodfellas, bedfellahs, bedfellahin.

Belladonna—Atropine, Atropos, deadly nightshade, scopolamine, hyoscyamine, maiden’s poison.

Bennie from St. Petersburg—White Nights, Benzedrine, Mercedes Benz, the Bends, Bend Me Shape Mes.

Benzedrine—Speed (archaic).

Benzodiazepine—Tranks, Valium, Librium, Xanax, Klonopins, Benzos for bedtime.

Bhang—Cannabis indica, mixed with yoghurt, cardamon, almond paste, and whey— Benares’ citizens drink it in smoothies on Shivratri in nightclubs holy to Shiva.

Bible—One thousand sheets of blotter bound in a book.

Big Bhang—Ganja beginning of the universe.

Biker’s coffee—1/3 Nescafe, 1/3 Domino’s White Sugar, 1/3 tire chains.

Bindle—1/25 of a balloon ejected from a wrist-binder before perp is frisked and beaten by thumpers for looking cross-eyed at a telephone pole.

Biphetamine—Speed mix, blackbird, blackbird speeding through the dead of night.

Birdie—Shoot a birdie, shoot two under, shoot speed and coke and two under.

Birth—Placebo from a placenta.

Bitchweed—Weed that makes you bitch.  See Gainesville Gary.

Biz—“Hey face!  You carryin’?”  “Is it any of your biz?”

Black and white squared—A cherry-top with one black cop and one white cop.

Black Beauties—Ten milligram methamphetamines (Archaic).

Black Market Biscuits—Illegal methadone in the morning for breakfast.

Black tar—Tar, Tartar, Tatar, tartaraboomdehay, Cobain.

Blast—Jet from somewhere quick to go somewhere.

Blotter—Squares, strips, sheets, Bart Simpson, dragon, Mickey Mouse, Mr. Natural, Steal Your Face, Dalai Lama, Alex Gray, Dancing Bears, Beavis and Butthead, Pink Panther, Felix the Cat, Little Nemo.

Blow a Bugle—Shoot blue angels and cack, shoot peanut butter and cack.

Blue Cheer—Mind Detergent.

Blue Angels—Sodium amytals.

Blue tits—Indication of a blown bugle.

Blue Velvet Heaven—Anything after a good injection, topped off by an ice cream milkshake.

Blues—Barbies, amies.

Blunt—Snoopy, Snoop Dogg, Philly.

Bob—Cocaine.  Also Bobby, Bobby Kennedy, Der Bingle, Biff, Bwana, Blow, C. John Blow, Bwana Biff der Bingle.

Blue Sky Blonde—Woman who trades sex for LSD.

Bodhisattva—Sanskrit for “nice guy.”

Bogart—Hog, pig, hoard, “Hey, Humphrey Bogart, that’s not a cigar, pass it on!”

Boggs Amendment—Mandatory jail time for herbivores.

Bogus weed—Ditch weed that won’t get a fly high. See Gainesville Gary.

Bolivian—High altitude snow.

Bomber—Blunt with no backy back-up.

Bombita—Bambino on Desoxyn bombidos without the barbed wire.

Bong—Waterpipe, which, under evolutionary pressure, grows into Bongzillas,

Bong-a-Thon—Contest of freaks to freak each other out by not freaking out, gang a bong.

Bongwater Brian—Guy who knocks over the bong no matter where you put it, then passes out on your living room floor with his hand in the spilled water, which causes him to urinate on your living room floor.

Bong Rip—Sound of the universe being torn apart after a Dmitri Parsley bong hit.

Boo—The Big Boo, Little Boy Boo, Gainsborough’s Blue Boo.

Boogie—Blast to embark on a Caravan.  Choogle like a choo choo to see if Gainesville Gary is not home, because Gainesville Gary is at the Super America stuffing dead mice into SA burritos, hoping someone will nuke and nosh one.

Boost—Shoplift for drug money.  E. g., “I just boosted the three volume Feynman’s Lectures on Physics from Barnes & Noble and the fucker at the bookstore only gave me ten bucks!”

Boot—Shoot. Das Boot Shoot.

Bowling Alone—Bogarting.

Box—Jail.

Box of Kleenex—Ounce of crack.

Boy—Heroin. Paper boy.

Brahman—Everything and more. Brahms #4.

Bread—Cupcakes.

Brick—Kilo of weed, coke, or smack, kilo monster, brick in the wall, gold brick in Roger Waters’ bank account.

Brody—Fake a scrip.

Bromo—Bromo selzer,

Brown studies—Brownies, amphetamines, dexedrines, ivy league tweak.

Bubble hash—Pot glands’ caviar.

Bud—Opposite of shake. Roughly, good.

Buddha—Asian religious leader said to have attained enlightenment, taught four truths, and died of natural causes.  His symbol is the mandala, he is popular with the young and the incarcerated.

Bufo—Legendary tripping toad that squirts DMT into your eyes sending you through the Door and into the Rip.

Bug-eater—Head who eats head bugs, usually coke or speed insects burrowing underneath the scalp and skin.

Bum Trip—Bummer, bummer acid, bad time, Strindberg’s Inferno.

Bunk—Junk, crap, bunco. Schwag-o-rama.

Bupe—Buprenorphan, the methadone for methadone.

Burn—Take the money and run. See Nick the Bimbo.

Burn out—Age disgracefully.

Burroughs—Bill, Uncle Bill, legendary junkie who wrote Junky about junkies and a lot of other meta-junk.

Bus—Metro, Straphanger, Busitol.

Bush, Jr—Anti-science Genghis Khan without the earrings.

Busted—To be in a state of cardiac arrest caused by the dark ages of humanity.

Busted Bummer—Any Numorphan seizure by the police or by the brain or any indistinguishable mixture, resulting in a state of inertia, forever . . . and ever . . .

Buttons—Peyote crowns, Green Buttons.

Buy the Dick—Blow for a blow.

Buzz—Low high.

Buzz bomb—Charger for inhaling nitrous oxide from canister.

C—C is for Cocaine.

Caca—Babyshambles. Babyshakes.

Cack—Kick.

Cadillac Commie—Rich hippie, Alice D. Millionaire.

Californian—Said by post Northern lights doper who never understood the new nomenclature of varietals with Ben and Jerry names to mean, roughly, “good weed.”

Calling card—Warrant for arrest.

Can—One ounce or less of marijuana (Archaic). 

Can I Talk to the Canoe Driver?—How did I get here? Stoned again my friend!

Canadian National Broadcasting System—Cannabis, B-ster.

Candy—Drugs, hard candy, nose candy.

Candy flip—THIKAL & PHIKAL, Candy Stripers in a Chorus Line from Electric Ladyland at Radio City Music Hall.

Cannabinoids—Active ingredients in Beatles albums.

Cannabis—If you don’t know by now, close book, place head on train track.

Cannabis psychoses—What the fuck kind of weed did this guy have?

Cannabis saliva—The spit-gob you get when Slobberin’ Steve—after Bongwater Brian has smoked it to a roach—hands you the “joint.”

Cap—Balloon of brown heroin, horse of a different rubber, snowcap.

Caravan—Mass-boogie on a drug buying expedition, usually going nowhere, then back to Gainesville Gary’s apartment who isn’t home, because he’s still at Super America being obnoxious.

Carburetor—Hole in pipe.

Carpet crawl—Chicken scratch, crumb grab, microscopic search for lost white speck by caught “off base” fiends. 

Carrying—Dirty, dirty dancing, walking feloniously down the blue avenue.

Cartwheels—Amies, Mary Lou Rettons, Olgas, Nadias.

Castaneda—Cactus head, hoaxster.

Cathinone—Khat, Kathy Lee Gifford, Cat Stevens, Tea for the Yemenman.

Catnip—What cats smoke to get high before they catnap.

Chalk—Baking soda, cut, filler, placebo domingo.

Channel—Seek to communicate with movie stars.

Charlie—Charlie Brown, George Washington, Whitey, Who’s That Girl with the Caviar in her Crack?

Charlie Chestnuts—Charley Horse, Charlie Parker, Birdland, heroin.

Chasing the Dragon—Smoking heroin or snorting its smoke but never quite getting as high as the first time, or the second, or the third . . . and then the dragon chases you . . .

Cheeba—Heroin, black tar with diphenhydramine.

Cheesing Murphy’s Borax in a Caterpillar’s Kimono—Lacing shwag with angel dust to give it some kick, dipping that in cocaine, and smoking that in a blunt, shortly before falling off a balcony into a kiddie pool of Cheez-Its.

Cheese stones—Constipated shitlets from opiate abuse.

Cherried—Lit. American Lit.

Cherry kicks—First and best high in the morning, first high is the deepest.

Chief Nodding Full—Junky. Burroughs.

Chilling—Not doing much, having stocked up on food and drugs without any need to go out. La Dolce Vita (see Fellini).

China—Heroin.

Chip, Chippy—What Freddy the Flea does on weekends with his plastic hippie friends trying to be so cool. Chip Douglas.

Chloral—Chloral hydrate.

Chocolate—Cheeba.

Chocolate Rocket—Nestles Crack.

Christian—One who is exempt from moral law because he is a Christian.

Christmas Trees—Maya Green Wonder Wheels, Amy’s Barbie Dolls, Tuinals.

Clam Bake—Sit inside a parked car, windows rolled up, with friends, and toke.

Clean—Pick out seeds and stems from shake on tilted album cover with matchbook (Archaic).

Clear light—Bardo, Brigitte Bardot, Cloud Nine, Died and Came Back from Heaven.

Clip—Alligator, hemostat, jefferson airplane.

Club Drugs—E, 2CB, Bromo, Foxy Methoxy, Christopher’s Dehydrated Weekend Dance of Death Club for Cutie.

Coast—Barhop after bugging out at an acid test and coasting coast to coast.

Cocaine—Girl, Vitamin C, white goddess, albino rhino, uptown girl, snowblower, white, Snow White, happy feet, gold dust woman, Judy Jetson, Kookie Kookie Where’s Your Coke, cokie, Cokie Roberts, sleigh ride, spoonful, Berenice, Berenice Bobs her Hair, A. Bros, rock, roca, Rocky Rococo, Roxanne, Corine, Corinna, Corinna, Sister Carrie, Caddie Woodlawn, Carey get out your Caine, chick, Chick Corea, toot, Tooter Turtle, King Toot, rails, Kickapoo Joy Juice, Gato, Gato Barbieri, mujer, sniff, snort, snuff, Stardust, Chloe in the Afternoon, Cleopatra, High Society, Society High, Sheetrock High, studio fuel, Manhattan Man Dust, Marshmallow Marathon, Hitch up the Reindeer, Incan Twinkies, Damablanca at the Copacabana, Foo Foo, My Attorney Bernie, 256 (B-L-O on dial pad), Survival in the Andes, Schnazzle, Artur Schnazzle, J-Lo’s Monster Nostril Truck Off, Easter Uprising, Sniffley’s Believe it or Not, Her Royal Majesty’s Snow Cone Sceptre, Kim Cocashian.

Cocktail—Smoking marijuana roach by means of a clip on a beer bong at a Bong-a-thon.

Coco Chanel—Cocoa Puffs, Cocoa Pebbles.

Codeine—Codys, Buffalo Bill Codys, schoolboy, honorable schoolboy.

Cognitive enhancers—DMAE, gingko, choline, piracetam, hydergine, books.

Cold Turkey—Abrupt withdrawal from narcotics without drugs (from the horripilation resembling the skin of a newly-plucked turkey that wants to die).

Collective Unconscious—Mythological origin of all myth.

Colombian—Also the best, Acapulco, Afghani (Very Archaic).

Come on—“All I have left is for my personal stash.”  “Come on!”

Coming down—Amping down from cartwheels, re-entry.

Commune—House of hippies, where everything is shared or stolen.

Commune with nature—To go camping armed with mushrooms, nitrous oxide canisters, beer, and Pink Floyd on the boom box next to your car.

Comprehensive Drug Abuse Prevention and Control Act of 1970—Krystallnacht 2.0.

Confucius—Chinese dropout who preached hard work but couldn’t get a job then saved face by becoming a philosopher.

Connection—What you “make” when you cop from your deep throat or Source/Q/Quelle.

Contact High—Telepathy between cube-heads.

Contact Lensman—Acidhead trapped in an E. E. “Doc” Smith novel.

Controlled Substances Act of 1970—Another enabling act.

Cook—Boil horse in a spoon or shoot a camel through a needle’s eye.

Cooker—The spoon.

Cool—In.  For example, Kafka was real cool, because he saw that even having a real job was a bummer too.

Cop—Score, SCORE!

Cop out—Cave, Nick Cave out.

Corn Dogs—Doobies dipped in crack.

Costco—Cheap shit.

Cotton fever—Sickness from shooting asbestos-like cotton fibers into one’s bloodstream.

Cougher—Cough-Head, Nyquil Ned, Vicky Vick’s, Sticky Vicky, Tuss of the D’Urbervilles.

Country bumpkin—Watermelon head.

Crack—Crackerjack, Ka’aba, Okie Coke, Bedrock for Bam Bam, Bobo, Bonobo, Bono, Snot Cookies, Scrabble for Rabble, Zulu (Costco crack), Love Grits, Dirt Road of Knocked-Over Mailboxes, Plastic Fantastic Slobber Cake.

Crack babies—Willie Horton’s head photoshopped on a preemie.

Crack house—Abandominium.

Crack hunt—Carpet crawl, hen peck the shag carpet for one’s own dandruff and smoke that.

Cracking the Weasel’s Back in Half—Getting off an addiction to wearing animal fur.

Crank Bugs—Bugs crawling under a bug-eater’s skin, especially when he is just sitting down to read A Scanner Darkly.

Crankshaft Problems—Constipation from double-crossing uppers and downers.

Crappie flop—Withdrawl seizure in the middle of an AA meeting. 

Crash—To lose one’s parachute after amping up and pass out anywhere.

Crash Pad—Anyone’s apartment where one passes out like Bongwater Brian.

Creep—Nixon, Reagan, Bush, and all the other lushes behind the drug war.

Crib—Where you cache your stash and crash.

Crime—What narcotics addicts engage in bereft of moral sense from getting high to catching a buzz for which they must live in gated communities at tax payer’s expense.

Crisscross—Snort alternating rails of heroin and cocaine, sailing.

Croaker—Michael Jackson’s doctor.

Crock—When Gainesville Gary tries to sound like a Braniac to Bongwater Brian about some shit he doesn’t know shit about.

Crock of Shit—Any book written by William Bennett.

Crystal Palace—Any filthy, disease-ridden firing range or disgusting, rat-infested shooting gallery, where one goes for a good time.

Crystal Ship—Bad song by the Doors.

Curb service—One-stop drug stop.

Cure—FDA-approved cold turkey, prison, death.

Cut—Whack.  Step on. Obliterate with filler.

Cut with strychnine—Used for “I don’t know what the hell is wrong with it.  Probably cut with strychnine by some Don Macaroni or some ‘talian assholes.”

Cyclones—Psyches, psychos, phencyclidine.

D is for Dilaudid

Dabbler—Flea powder artist.

Damage—Brain damage, Ozzie,

Dance Fever—What a crackhead would do if magician Dai Vernon were to play 3-card monte with a rock instead of a pea.

Darvon—Darv, Dave, Gee Davey.

Date rape drug—Vodka.

Datura—Angel trumpets, Devil trumpets, Jamestown loco, Jimson, Jamestown trumpets, Stramonium Trombone, Thorn Apple Tango.

DEA—Death Enforcement Agency, Doom Entering Apartment, Dearth of Entrepreneurial Acumen, super sonic swine, 666.

Deadwood Dick—Narc without his calling card.

Deal—Hustle, flip, flip a zip, toss, answer phones.

Dealer—The Man with the Bags, The Man from Glad.

Death—Nyetflix and Chill.

Death Cap—Exterminating Angel, Death Cap for Cutie.

Deck—Dex, Dexter, Chatty Kathy.

Decrimmer—Gage-head, boo-bug, googe-gagger.

Delta-9—Plan 9.

Demerol—Meperidine hydrochloride, Demi Moore.

Depressants—Booze, barbs, tranks, downers, valiums, libriums, nembutals, seconals, phenobarbitals, politics.

Depression—State of uncommitted suicide.

Designer—Old school for research chemical, entheogen.

Detox—Howling fantods.

Dexedrine—Ayn Rand, Erdos number one, Johnny Cash, mach 2, John Phillip Sousa (also available in rectal gel).

Dexie Demons—Skin-crawling, horse-fly larvae, co-pilot’s D.T.s

Dextromethorphan—Robo, Robby the Robot, CCC (Coricidin Cough and Cold).

Dharma—What you follow when you think you know where you are going.

Diazepam—Valium, Val, Valentine Smith, Daisy, Daisy Buchanan.

Diet pills—Requiem for a Lightweight.

Dig—Grok.

Dilaudid—No. 4.

Dill—Douche.

Dilly Bar—Dolly.

Dime Bag—Bigger than a Nickel, Dimebag Darryl.

Dimmer switch—Nod.

Dinosaurs—Squares, lamoids, record execs, parents, talk show hosts, oatmeal men, falwells, limbaughs, becks, palinosaurs, foxnewsosaurs.

Dip ‘n’ Sniff—Dabble in chick shit powder.

Dirt—Heroin, dough, shit.

Dirt Bag—See Gainesville Gary.

DM—Dextromethorphan hydrobromide, Warp II, Robo cop.

DMSO—Absorbine, Sr.

DMT—Executive acid, what-a-lunchbreak, torn-sheet new universe, Dmitri Karamazov, Spirit in the Sky, Strassman in the Sky, power lunch, I am my own Imax.

Dogging—Double doggy-style dildo trick for drugs.

Dolls—Annies, white biscuits, Dolophine, dollies, partons.

Donnagel—Flying bananas.

Donnas—Bellas, bells, Boticelli pupils.

Dope show—“In this Dope show, we’re all super stars!”

Douche bag—Drunken frat boy, wears shorts and shirt sleeves in winter, travels in six packs, hollers at the moon, smashes windows and lamps, goes into business.

Downers—Green-eyed ladies, Barbie dolls.

DPZ—Depersonalized Zone, where ol’ flattop works on the Machine and produces no real wealth, white collar conservative hung up Mr. Normal world, Straight World, Ghost World, maya, the Grunch.

Drag—Hit.

Drano—Hot shot death.

Draw—Pull into syringe.

Drift—Nod.

Drop—Dose.

Dropout—Chronic cube-head debilitated by flashbacks, see Bodhisattva.

Dropper—Contact lens, acid eye-dropper.

Drug Czar—Drug Stalin.

Drug War—Vietnam, Again!

Druid—Oh, the Gaul!

Drunk—Dharma bum on rye.

Dry—Out.

Dry Drunk—Clean, but still twitching for the right word with noticeable memory loss.

Dry out—Skip a night.

D. T.s—Cold turkey and snakes in the grass from booze and barbed wire.

Dummy—Goofball lookalike, Goober Pyle.

Dust—Shake of the shake.

DXM—Dextromethorphan.

Dynamite—Nobel, the Nobel Prize, marijuana of high enough quality to win the Nobel Prize.

E is for E.

E-ball—E on top of an eightball.

Ecstasy—E, X, XTC, Adam, Ibiza, Disco biscuits, Bisquick, huggies, hello I love you, Shulgin’s problem child, dance til you drop, 3rd day suicide, rolls, Rolls Royce, Essence, Vitamin X, Smoochywoochypoochy, beans, pressies, white ladies, swoosh, blue dolphins, sass, sassafrassatastic dancer, transformers, cuddle puddle, blue nile, Bermuda Triangles, E-bomb, exiticity, charge, care bears, Xphoria, Malcolm X, Fuckstacy, Kix, Dancing Shoes, Ebeneezer’s Sextacy, Sweet Tarts, Smartees, Mitsubishi, Thizz, Vowels.

Ego death—Plus +++.

Eight balls—Escalators.

Eighth—Anything from a 1/32 to 1/8 of anything from snow to grass, Henry VIII.

Elephant—Angel dust, PCP, elephant tranks, tic tacs, northern lights, one man wrecking crew.

Elevator shoes—Ketamine clogs.

Ellis Day—The day Doc Ellis pitched a no-hitter on acid, June 10.

Elvis—The King, King Pill Popper, You Aint Nothin’ But a DEA Dog.

Ephedrine—Eff, Effi Briest, Mormon speed, fake speed, close enough speed.

Ergot—Sacred fungus, purple crap on rye that makes your arms and legs fall off.

Erokids—Generation that grew up trying to make it big on Erowid.

Esnortiar—Cocaine caviar.

Experienced—Not necessarily stoned, but well, necessarily stoned.

Ether—Ethyl ether, diethyl ether, Ether Merman.

F is for Fucked Up.

Fake a Turd—Pretend to be under a hash finger while selling bunkweed undercover on the street to Bongwater Brian.

FDA—Federal Disinformation Agency

Fentanyl—Fenton Hardy, Hardy Boy, Super H, Fake H, Killer H.

Fiend—Devilish dopelust for dope.

Fireball—Inject a candyflip of snow and dust.

Firing Ack-Ack at No. 10 GI Charlie—Smoking horse from the tip of an opium-laced Marlboro.

Fishheads—Roly poly fishheads.

Five cents—Five hundred dollars, half a million.

Flashback—Any intense episode from the past or television show, also: “memory.”

Flash House—Porsche at 120 m.p.h. driven by carrying meth dealer, chased by cops over a divider, riddled with bullets, flying down an embankment, then off a cliff.

Flash Roll—Wad.

Flea—User of a small quantity of narcotic that has no effect.

Fledge—Give needles to a Bambino, especially a Mary Jane Warner.

Flip—What a freak does when he runs out and has to depend on a flea.

Float—Cop a rocky mountain high from a good snowfall of powder and shush down the slopes.

Flogging the Inner Mullet—Smoking one’s own pulverized black meth teeth.

Flower—Peaceful, beautiful thing.

Flower Children—Sixties Generation (pejorative), usually synonymous with “bunch of pansies” or “stoned snowflakes.”

Fluff—Spread horse though a nylon stocking.

Flushing the toilet—What needs must be done upon arrival of the jack-booted thugs.

Fly Aggies—Norsemen, Flying Finns, Berserkleys, Soma over the Rainbows, Shaman’s Apprentice, Birch tree bingo.

Flying saucers—Where the men in the white coats who are coming for you come from.

Foil Desertification—Said to be when scraping the last resin of substance burnt to the side of the aluminum foil “bowl” pinned with holes and getting only screen hits.

Four-Finger Ounce—Went the way of the White Buffalo and 13th Imam.

Four twenty—Time to declare war on enemy brain cells, tea time for teens.

Foxy Methoxy—Nasty, 5-Meo-DPT, Amanda.

Fracturing the Hit at Home plate—When you’re lighting your bong and the weed sticks to the Bic striker plate, and you pull the bong away causing the bowl of weed to fall on the floor while you suck wind wondering what just happened.

Freak—Any unusually dressed person surrounded by tourists.

Freebase—Oxidize, Pryorize.

Fruity as a Nut Cake in Chunky Trunks—How a flamer feels when he flames up.

Full Moon Salad—Chief.

Fungus—Mush, fun gush.

Fuzz-Fruit—Grapefruit when the juice is extracted with a hypodermic needle, then injected with Stolichnaya vodka and acid, drunk through a straw.  Serves 4.

G—G is for gram.

Gainesville Gary—Dirt bag who sells dirt bags. “Uh Hi! This Gainesville Gary! I’m at the Super America right now, but please leave your name and number and I will get back to you when I get the shit. And remember don’t mention drugs over the phone! Bye, thanks!”

Ganja—Sanskrit.

Ganoobies—Grasshopper laughing fits.

Garbage—Anything DEA-related.

Garf the Doob—Swallow a marijuana cigarette while eluding pursuit from the Man.

Garfhead—Inhaler of the smoke of one cooked, cleaned ounce of marijuana from a pan Scythian-style.

Gas Can Freak—User of glue, benzine, thinner, refrigerant, ether, cleansers, liquid nitrogen, toxic waste, CFCs, enriched uranium.

Geeze—Burn fingers, lips, eyebrows, trying to light a roach.

GHB—Great Hormones in Bed.

Ginsberg—Baba Rammed Ass.

Ginseng—Natural stimulant that does nothing.

God—State of being too high.

Gold—The standard by which to measure the insanity of those who fear being off it.

Goody goody—Goody goody gum drops, goody two shoes, goody goody gum shoes.

Goofball—Barbie doll, Goofy.

Gorilla—The Man, Quasimodo, the Silver-Backed Magilla Narc Armed to the Teeth.

Gorking a Deek—Forcing a suspected narc to get high or get lost.

Graduated from East Jesus State with a Leak in his Think Tank—Said of anyone who still believes in the gateway theory of drugs.

Gram—1/28 oz. give or take 1/28 oz.

Grass—Green Tambourine.

Green Tambourine—Marie Elena.

Grifflegaffa—Marijuana, also, shruff.  Green giraffe, blueberry griffins. 

Groover—Grandma Groovy, Diamond Geezer, Granola Granny.

Group Grope—Group therapy, AA, NA, NBA.

Grunt bud—Bunker dope, Bud Grunt.

G-Spot Tornado Going 90 Miles an Hour Up the Exit Ramp—Don’t know.

Gummi Bear—Opium smoker, bunker bear.

Guru—Travel agent, baby sitter, ground control, Kit Carson, Timothy Leary.

Gypsy—Musical hobo.

H—H is for Heroin.

Habit—What a head gets to not get ahead.

Hack—Extract, improve, destroy.

Haight-Asbury—Home to the Grateful Dead and Owsley Stanley Owsley III, known for its Flower Children, known for their passivity, vacuous statements, and elongated sideburns, which posed a dangerous threat to the FBI in the 60s.

Hairy—Gnarly, sick, bad-ass, dope.

Halcion—Benzoistic peacefulness.

Half life—Heidegger’s inauthentic life, I mean his real life.

Hard up—Broke. Busted. “Gary, come on, I’m hard up. Front me a Louis XVI or a Henry VIII, and I’ll get you back when I get paid.” “But Brian you don’t have a job.”

Hare Krishna—Hindustani for Here Comes a Ton of Cheesy Gitas.

Harmala—Harmine, harmaline, Syrian rue. MAO-inhibitor.

Harrison Act—Plank in the Fascist platform to control electorate.

Harvey Wallbanger—1 liter Vodka, 1 handful ‘ludes, 3 bowls of smoked angel dust. Serves: time.

Hash—Rope Resin, Soles, Call Me Ishmael, Seven a Gram, MacArthur Park, compressed resin gland, Bubble, Full Cheese Melt, Kif, Keef Richards, Ludlow.

Hash Club—A convention room at the Hotel Luzan where J. J. Moreau de Tours served up the Algerian confection dawamesc to Orientalist club: Gautier, Baudelaire, Hugo, de Nerval, Balzac, Dumas, and other useless Bohemians.

Hash Oil—Extract of THC from cannabis you accidentally smear on your joints, fingers, hands, teeth, and face, Budder Butter, Honey Oil, Jelly, Earwax, Goo, Goo Going Going Gone.

Hassle—Afternoon spent with Gainesville Gary on a caravan or hanging out in his basement listening to hairy metal bands bent on world wide armageddon and watching TV shows you haven’t seen since you were ten, waiting to pick up.

Hawaiian—Maui Wowie, the best.

Hawaiian woodrose—LSA, LSD, Jr.

Hay—Gungeon, Juanita de Mota, Ganja Din, alfalfa sprouts, Gary weed, dirt, shit.

Head—One who smokes as much rope, blows as much bomb dust, and flies through as much window pane as much as is possible as much as he muches.

Head Shop—Freakiana Depot.

Hearts—Decks.

Heat—Dicks.

Heather—Operatic dope queen who lives by candlelight erratically, keeping everybody waiting for her next move, barely keeping down her job as a dominatrix for narcs. A season in hell for Heather would be unrelenting sunshine, white sand beaches, and an afternoon drinking Tequila Sunrises with Jimmy Buffet on his boat in the Caribbean.

Hemp—Rope, sail, Washington weed.

Henbane—Another plant you only see in books on witchcraft.

Hendrix Headband—Owsley-soaked headband dipped in DHEA given to Hendrix before performances so he could play guitar with eight arms.

Hep—Hep C, Hepsi Cola.

Herb—Upper-crust, private school word for weed.

Heroin—Boy, diesel, dog, horse, smack, birdland, joe pass, lady day, lenny, caballo, guy caballero, big boy, Bob’s Big Boy, him, hymnal, scag, smack, smeck, schmeck, Smuckers, stuff, der Stoff, stoffa, estuffa, estefan, black caballo on a black horse who knows a bunch of black birds who like black licorice, white, China white, Honalee, hot turkey thanksgiving, Prometheus chord, self-crucifying jesus, brown sugar, downtown, Persian Version, tar, tootsie, Hemo the Magnificent, big daddy, Big Daddy Garlitz, Harry, Dirty Harry, Harry, the Dirty Dog, beast, aleister beaster, horse, Hostess Ho-Ho, O. Henry, Hejaz, Hombre, Hairy Talcum-powdered Hopping Hippo Dog, Henry, Henry Loose, Hazel.

High—Bent, buzzed, torqued, smashed, destroyed, obliterated, bombed, fucked up shredded, out of one’s twat, wired to the nines, emitting smoke, rolling, fried, baked, cooked, burnt, wasted, done to a turn, impaled, wiped, whipped, whupped, zeroed, stoned, toasted, cinnamon toasted, cinnamon toasted with righteously rastafied brown sugar on top, faced, chopped, charged, torn, thrown for a lot of loops, squinty-eyed, zonked, faded, minced, pureed.

Hippie—Person who expounds the philosophy of the Flower.  The Flower does not work, does not conform, compete, or compute.  It simply takes lots of drugs and has a shiny face.

Hippie Flip—What a flower child does when he flips from a bad trip and turns into an alcoholic yuppie in a suit from Brooks Brothers.

Hit—A single successful inhalation or injection.

Hit up—Glom, beg, what Bongwater Brian does to you for his candy bar money.

Hog—What a glom artist does to a pipe to get a glow.

Hold—Carry the Horn for a High with Heat around, hoping to Hog a Hit before getting Hit Up by a Hippie-Flipping Flea—Pretty self-explanatory.

Hook—Hop.

Hop—Hook.

Horse-hop—Hook-hop hooked-up hooker.

Hot box—Smoke a cigarette out by overheating the cherry.

Hot shot—Inject too much by mistake.e. g., “Some dude in Kentucky hot shot LSD powder thinking it was heroin and had a heart attack just thinking about it.”

House—Where a drug abuser does his drugs.

Hype—What Gainesville Gary does for his skimpy bags after pinching and resealing the baggie with his lighter.

Hyperinflating a Bag of Horace Greeley inside a Volcano made of Cottage Cheese—Talking up your Gary weed in order to charge Bongwater Brian more front money.

Hypo—Rig.

I is for Inhalant.

Ibogaine—Muskie Beans—useful for keeping still when stalking giraffes or keeping still when being stalked by giraffes, McGovern’s running mate.

Iceberg a Periwinkle—Stuff a hollowed-out banana with periwinkle leaves, wrap bay leaves around it, place it in a head of iceberg lettuce, store it in freezer, isomerize. Call Gainesville Gary to see if he ever got anything.

Ice Cream Habit—Sunday stroll.

Ice Cream Sundae—Sunday Dodger, Weekend Banana Banger, Bumblebee.

Ice nine—Vitamin V, gray goo.

Illies—Beedies dipped in PCP.

Imodium—Loperamide, Cyndi Loperamide.

Indica—Creeper, Sleeper, Grogger.

Indole—Hallucinogens of the tryptamine family.

Infection—Tet, Tet Offensive, Serum Hep, Viral Hep.

Infinity and Beyond—Instant Zen, Instant Breakfast, Big Bang in a Nutshell.

Inhalant—Airplane glue, aerosol, whippets, Glade, paint thinner, butane, Whiteout, chloroform, gasoline, huff, huffy, Reddi Whip, nitrous, brain solvent, Easy Off, hair spray, nail polish, Kitty Dukakis rocket fuel, reservation cocktails, Stephen King’s back-up. 

Inhaling the Aurora Borealis from the Ass of a Mattel Guy de Bord Action Figure—Not sure what this means.

Insane—Cool, sick.

Interplanetary Pilgrimage Mission to Mars—Going next door for more crack.

J was for Jay.

Jabooby—Boo, good shit.

Jag—Spell of narcotic uber-abuse.

Jam and Jelly Donuts—Nose Candy Sparklers, jazz for sex, mojo Danish.

Jawbone—Glom marijuana from Gainesville Gary on credit through excessive leeching while blacked-out on White Russians over the phone, then forget to pay for it later, only to have Gainesville Gary give the ass a lecture on jawboning over his tapped phone.

Jay—Joint, bomber, jay, number, reefer, doobie, thick stick, doobage, hogleg, pregnant whale, Surprised by Jay, spliff, Super Buick.

Jazz.—Heroin.

Jizz—Biblical slang for sperm.

Jones—Habit, yen, Me and Mrs. Jones, Basketball Brian Jones.

Joplin—Earth mother, Blues Venus of Willendorf.

Joy Pop—Free ridin’, skinza poppin’ jiffy pop of papa junk.

Jug—Chug-a-Lug.

Juice—Go, dough.

Jung—Alchemical wizard who knew all things, Gandalf, Merlin, Archetypal Wise Old Man.

Junior High—Five-day, deodorant-pad huff jag.

Junk—Jazz, jizz.

K is for Ketamine.

Karma—Sanskrit for “whatever” (from the Hindu belief in methamphetamine psychosis).

Kava kava—Pacific islander for “Who cares?”

KB—Kind Bud, Kine Buh, Kibbles & Bits.

Keel—2.2 pounds, Keelhaul.

Keg—Kegger, beer ‘n’ barf, frat vat, Neanderthal shot glass.

Ketamine—K, Special K, Kit Kat, vitamin K, K Mart, K Land, Kandy Land, K Hole, Alley-Oop, Alley Cat, Moon boots, Seven league boots, Kevlar, Helen Keller, Lilly, Lilly’s Kitty.  

Key—Keel.

Khat—Cat, Caddy Shack, Cat Power, Somali Tamale, cathay, Cathode Ray Stevens.

Kif—Keef, Keif, Keeeeeeeeeeeeef, Keith Richards, Kif Me Kate, trichomes.

Killer—Average.

Kilo—Key, 2.2 pounds of Key Lime Pie.

Kind—Unschwag.

Kissing fishes—D. O. A.

Kitty flip—Combination of K, E, and L.

Klonopin—K-Pins, Klondikes.

Kool Aid—Kesey, Easy Kesey, the Body Electric. Also Jones, Bones of Jones, Jungle Jim’s Cyanide Elixir.

Korsakoff—Russian patron saint of drinking oneself to death.

Krishna—Howdy Krishna, Blue Charlie Rag.

L is for LSD.

La-la Land—Cloud cuckooland on drugs, and clueless.

Lady—Lady Day, Lady Snow, Lady Snow Day, Snowie Bowie.

Lamborghini—Impromptu pipe made out of a roll of toilet paper.

Lame—Straight, square, weak, bourgeois, inauthentic, lamoid, bogus, yawn, crap.

Language—Mushroom-induced mutation.

Late Night with David Letterman—Coke.

Layabout—Layaround dropout loaded on narcotics, Keith Richards minus guitar.

L. B. J.—Texan cactus with large lobed ears, causes sudorific hallucinations of death when accompanied by draft.

Leaf—Shake, leafin’ like a shake.

Leary—Anyone who attracts too much attention to clandestine activity by advertising it at a Senate or House hearing, Dr. Tim, archetypal psychonaut, guru from Boston, the Irish Huxley, the Irish Huckster, St. Timothy, love nuts.

Lebanese—Hashish from the Bekka Valley sold by Hezbollah, Hez-bowl-o’ hash.

Legalization—Won’t happen until the dinosaurs die off again and again.

Lemmons—Ludes, Nixons, 714s, Qua, Jacks.

Lid—Ten dollars worth on the West Coast, thirty on the East (Archaic).

Liquid Sky—Heroin, alien rooftop.

Lit up like Klieg Lights Down on Main Street—Lit up like the Jolly Green Giant in the Whoa Zone.

Little Swiss Dish—El, Lewis & Clark, El Topo Gigio.

Looney tunes—Tunes, Stallings.

Lophophora—Ghost Dance Fever.

Lorazepam—Lore, Laura, Laura Petrie, Ativan, Loraz transformation.

Lose one’s handlebars—Trip while balling on cubes.

LSD—Acid, Tabs, Blotter, Desk Blotter, Cubes, Baseball Gum, Animal Crackers, Zoo Juice, the Flickers, Timothy, Old Kingdom, Sand Dozers, Blue Cheer, Hofmann in the Rye, Pictures of Matchstick Men, the Sacrament, Gelatin Legation, Campus Trend, Jello Jaws, Tartrate of Huxley, Madhatter, Gulliver goes gazillion, Lucy, Lucy in the Skies, Judy in Disguise, Light Show Demonstration, Purple Haze, acido, bluejean baby, undisputed truth, chief broom, presto cresto, sheets, strips, electric, sunshine, chocolate domes, levereto, purple clavicle, strawberry communion, ticket twenty-five, dose, Jerry, Geriatric and the Pacemakers, Mr. L. S. Deeds Goes to Washingstoned, Live Shit Die, Aeon flux, Outer Limits, Time Wave Zero, square dance, Saturnalia Night Waltz.

Lumies—Luminals, Purple Phoenicians.

M is for Marijuana.

M—Morphie, Lady M., Lady Emma, Emma Woodhouse, Malt O’ Meal, Sister Morphine.

Machine—The Man.

Mainline—Silver Threads and Golden Needles

Maintain—Function.

Mandala—Indian circle with wheel symbolizing Karma, seen on the bedroom walls of Heads.

Mandrake—Mandragora, the Magician, Get thee child with it.

MAO inhibitor—Anti depressant that inhibits monoamine oxidase activity thus letting all hell break loose when combined with certain drugs.

Marezine—Ghostworld’s Marble Gardens, drug for carsickness taken in mega doses makes your car sick.

Marijuana—Reefer, smoke, shit, grass, leaf, trees, weed, shake, tops, boo, hooter, skunk, delta 9, 4:20, bud, leaf, cheeba, loco, hooch, texas tea, Flowers on the Wall, dynamite, one toke, one look, mary jane, Juanita, mezz, mota, hello mutha hello fuckah, pot, Colombian, Jamaican, Mexican, British Columbian, green, red, gold, purple, Alaskan thunderfuck, Thai stick, Marjorie Morningstar, Michoacan, Rama, Astro turf, home grown, Cali, northern light,Kona, sense, skunk, stink, tonic chronic, kush, hydro, hierba  Aunt Mary, silver gunion, yerba tea, mesa-rolls, rainy day mary, “twist of the reefer,” mota mouth, Scooby doo, mierda, mota, Marley, spliff, Mary Jane, Mexican Green, Marie Elena, Mary Jane Warner, Marley Jane Warner, Weaver of the Wailer Weavers,

Mary Jane Warner Weaver of the Weavers Wavers, mierda, mota, mohasky, marihoochie, pottery, Mary Potter, blaze, the Blaise Pascal, THC, chronic, herbalz, tracy, Hydro, tunes, CDs, trees hippie lettuce, praise Jah, haze, dank, shitty bricked out Mex, gwan, bobbi brown, lamb’s bread, blue berry, Jack Hare, foliage, vegetation, plant, bush, shrubbery, rubbery shrubbery, Chem Dawg, O. G., Kush, Skunk No. 1, Sour Diesel, sticky, stinky, collie, White Widow, Mental Floss, Trainwreck, Diesel, Purple Urkel, AK 47, grapefruit, Grape Ape, Matchbox 420, Spruce Goose, fry, fry sticks, French fries, Herr von Dank, Cambodian, Angolan, crippler, Area 51, mota, mota in a beam’s eye, boo boo, Obama, Thai, Thais that Bind, Tennessee Bubble Gum, broccoli, Chunky, Don Juan Super Chunk,

dew, mountain dew, Mexican Airlines, fuma, geek joints, KGB, killer, Jerry Lee, Lobo, Los Lobos, Ricky Jay, Greta Garbo, Al Green, Ghanjuana, Gonduanaland Green, Greenland Green Jeans, Queen Anne’s Lace, Juan Valdez, Santa Marta, Rosenthal, macaroni, Alicia de la Roacha, mullah, Kona, root, Kawaii, Illy, Abu-Sufian, legits, banjos, hairy green mustaches, Robert Van Coover, Beat n Sleep, Bob Hop, Norm Van broccoli, Cheebong, Oort Cloud, Turtle, Zen Corn Dog, The Hempire Strikes Back, Zoot Sims, Kush job, Dan K., Diggity, Doug, Talkin to Doug, Endo’s Game, Hang Liu, Green Penis, Fade, Dr, Dre, Deaf, Green Cheesy Glazy Wham-O, Dro Dro Dre Fro, Janja, Darfur, Middies, Mr. Nice, Potiguaya, Manitoba Scooby Doo Step, Harry Potter Pokesmoke.

Marinol—Marinothing.

Mary Jane Warner—Prostitute who hustles to pay for her marijuana cigarettes.

Mayan Wonder Wheels—Psilocybin in tabs.

MCGs—Mickey G’s, Miracles from Micrograms, Mackerel of Dot.

MDA—proto-MDMA.

MDMA—3,4-methylenedioxy-n-methylamphetamine, M & Ms, E., Adam Kadmon, Madness Divine Madness.

Meal Ticket Mama—Welfare, Aunt Samantha.

McKenna—Chef of the Gods.

Medicated goo—Antidepressant word salad heard at bus stops.

Medicine—Any drug, food, spice, or music.

Medicine Wheel—Turntable, CD player.

Meet—Short for meeting, short meeting, meeting in shorts

Melonball—Morphine/speed mix.

Melting point—Exact time room just noticeably begins to melt subtracted from time of ingestion of psychoactive substance.

Meow—Mephodrone, miaow, Mau Mau, Mao’s Big Mama.

Meperidine—Demerol, mep, dino.

Meprobamate—Miltons, Miltowns, Milhouses, Jerseys, reprobate.

Merck—Coke, Mercules.

Mesc—Mescaline, mescalito, mesc, mescale, mesca, mescala—not to be confused with mescal.

Mescal bean—A very intense pea.

Meth—Crystal, Fourth Reich, wake-up drops, caulk the door here come the cops,

exploding trailer park, fireball, methie, metheny, biker dope, white trash/black teeth, yaba, yabba dabba doo, crank, tweak. 

Methadone—Dolophine.

Methanol—Wood blindness, bootleg Bonzai, backwoods thunder, bathtub lightning, Homey’s Homer.

Methamphetamine hydrochloride—Sudafed, Contac, pseudoephedrine, Desoxyn.

Mexican—Anything from anywhere except Mexico.

Mind detergent—Blue cheer.

Missile basing—Free basing.

MK-ULTRA—Mengele-type experiments conducted by CIA under Richard Helms.

MMDA—Not to be confused with MDA or MDMA.

Mojo—Codeword for heroin, morphine, cocaine, or cock.

Molly—Anything reminiscent of E.

Monkey—Habit.

Moon rocks—Coke chunks.

Morning glorys—Aztec Acid, Wedding Blue Bells, Pearly Gates, Vomit Comets, Heavenly Blues.

Morphine—Morphine Power Ranger, Emma, Emma Murphy, Hong Kong hocus pocus, Sister Morphine, Mother Superior’s Got Gun, M & Ms.

Mu receptor—Mu, Mu Opiod receptor, mu chord, Steely Dan receptor.

Mugsy Bogues—Not high enough. “Are you high yet?” “No. I’m still Mugsy Bogues.”

Mujer Muerta—Seroquel, Quelle, Susie Q.

Munchies—Incessant desire to eat nothing but junk food for long stretches of nothing but junk time.

Muscle—Shoot into muscle tissue because of collapsed veins.

Mushrooms—Shrooms, mushies, Fun with Fungi, Flesh of the Gods, Soma, wassons, Dancin’ in the Moonlight, teonanacatl, mold, moonrooms, the little people, blue honey rain, liberty caps, caps, strophora cubensis, amanita muscaria, umbrellas, toads, elves, fairies, pixies, shroommates, cabiri, Logos, La Barre syndrome.

Music—Weed, blues, Dixie, rag, dance hall, swing, bop, cool, electric, electronic.

Muzak—Not cool, bad McCartney.

Myrrh—Bride of Frankincense, Vatican inhalant huffed at high mass.

Mysticism—Feelings of grandiosity and insight into the “true” meaning of Life, perhaps latent schizophrenia compounded with “introspective flights of divine fancy.”

N is for Narcotics.

Narc Powder—Cocaine, anything white.

Narcan—Lazarus, afterlife, second life.

Narcasm—Narcotic witticism.

Nasal Standard Deviation—One septal crater length.

Nembutal—Phenobarbital, Pheen, pheenegans wake.

Netherlands—Mythical, enlightened wonderland.

Nexus—2C-B, Nexus Gets You Noticed.

Nick the Thief—Guy who ransacks whatever room you’re not in for a minute.

Nickel of Mist—White whale tranquilizer, Moby.

Nirvana—The whirlies cubed.

Nitric oxide—Viagra, purple-headed stickshift, oyster stew.

Nitrous oxide—Laughing gas, laughing your asshat off gas.

Nixon—Crooked needle, needle that misses the vein and lies about it.

Norplant—Surgically implanted anything.

Nuclear Crack—Crank with crack.

Nugget—Nug, bud.

O is for opium.

Occult—Belief system heterodigenous to head cases.

O. D.—Oh dear.

Ololiuqui—Rivea corymbosa, Hamlet’s ololiuqui.

Om Mani Padme Ho Hum—Weak acid.

On Heather time—How time warps and then stops while you wait for Heather to call you back about seeing a movie, but she’s been busy washing a year’s worth of dirty dishes in her bathtub, which overflowed while she was passed out on her bedbug couch, the crackhead below broomhandling the leaking ceiling and yelling “Wake up, bitch!” while the phone rings and rings and you’re jonesin’ for her oxycoffin and don’t give a fuck about the dumb fucking movie anymore and Heather owes you ten bucks but fuck that . . . Heather . . . Heather . . . are you there?

One Hitter Quitter—One toke and you are no longer bowling alone.

Ope—Opium, Opie Turkish Taffy, Daffy Jaffy, Ataturk, Attaboy.

Opiate—Televise.

Optimism—Official state religion.

Orange Sunshine—Scully, El Dorado.

Origami—Heroin packing giftwrap.

Outfit—Artillery. “What junkie outfit were you in?” “Artillery.”

Overcharge—What Gainesville Gary does when he sees Bongwater Brian coming by with the Nick the Thief to get rid of them.

Oxy—Oxycoffin.

Ozzie—Ounce, Ouncie and Harriet, Iron Man.

P is for PCP.

Pakalolo—Whatever it is, it sounds cool.

Paki Panic—Paranoid picnic.

Pan Am Gold—Red.

Papageno—Weed that gives you the giggles.

Papaverine—Tubular balls.

Paper boy—Heroin runner, every day the paper boy brings more.

Papes—Rolling papers, Zigs, Rizlas, skins, wraps, E-Z Widers, OCBs, JOBs, Swisher sheets.

Paracelsus—Laud.  Laudemus.  10%.  De Quincey.

Parachute—Toilet paper wrapped around bitter powder to get it down, What Color is your Parachute? White.

Paraphernalia—Tools of the toke, rolling machine, papes, clips etc.

Parsley—Elvis Parsley, flake.

Party bowl—What Bongwater Brian smokes alone when he is at a party.

PCP—Horrorshow, Rodney King, Teen Angel, Wipe Out, Angel Dust, Walking on the Moon, Rocket fool.

PDR—the Bible, the Good Book, God, the big Kahuna, Pretty Damn Resourceful, the Stone Tablets.

Peak—Moment while tripping when you float like the Illuminated Eye above the Pyramid.

Percoset—OxyTylenol.

Percodan—OxyAspirin.

Peyote—Cactus, Buttons, Peyote Manning, Native American sacrament, “Don’t it Make Your Paleface Pale.”

Phencyclidine—Disembalming fluid.

Phenethylamine—Tripping speed, found in 2Cs, mescaline, chocolate, Wellbutrin, sassafras, and your brain.

Phenobarbitals—Heaven’s gate, the gate sedate, phennie pigs, phenobarbs, cardinals, Whitey Herzogs.

Pig—Unjust epithet hurled at our nation’s finest gendarmerie who are only doing their damnedest.

Pilo-erection—Pillow arousal.

Pinch—Gainesville Gary’s vigorish.

Pinner—Penitentiary joint.

Pipe—Stem, horn, flute, oboe, bat, resonator, chamber, bong, onie, uzi, the hollowed apple, the hollowed Earth.

Plant—Place drugs on a person to arrest them, SOP in metropolitan areas.

Police—Cops, heat, rhubarb, fascista a la rhubarba, policia, fuzz, rollers, thumpers, jack of all boots, Gestapo, SS, popo, pigs, pork, swine, oinkers, bacon, the Bakos.

Popped tart—Crack hoe.

Poppers—Mary Poppins.

Poppy—Sally, Go ‘Round the Roses

Potentiate—Increase the peace, or double the trouble.

Preludins—Rubies, Amps, Oswald Snuffers, diet pills, habituation may lead to self-abuse.

Pseudoephedrine—Sudafed, decongestant used to relieve sinuses in meth labs.

Puff the Magic Dragon—Peter, Paul, and Mary Jane Warner’s song in code about snorting China white off a switchblade while piloting a heavily armed helicopter over a free fire zone.

Punk a Dud—Sell a quantity of illegal drugs, to someone who gets busted, who then finds that the drugs were legal look-alikes.

Purple Drainpipes—Drinamyls, Lumies.

Pusher—Extremely crazy hustler found on playgrounds everywhere extorting $10 bills from third graders.  Stay away from this apple.

Put on—Mental gamesmanship indulged in by cube-heads and rope pullers.

Q is for Qualudes.

Quackaderos—Ludes.

Quaaludes—Moonboots, Mandrax, shampoo de barrett, Pepitones, 714s, soapers

Quarter—Fourth of July bag.

R is for Rave.

Ragweed—What Gainesville gary plucks from the roadside and fills hefty bags with before he’s back in town with his fresh bunkweed.

Rail—Line, Rock Island Line Mighty Good Roller.

Rainbows—Rainbirds, Firebirds, Maenads.

Ramen—Rasta pasta.

Rave—Fun.

Rave—Fun.

Rave—Fun ‘til her daddy takes the E bird away.

Raver—E-tard.

Reagan—Embalmed chloroformed simpleton with painted cheeks.  Died in office. Later  succeeded by astrologers

Red Psychos—Hallucination-producing barbiturate withdrawls. Cries and Whispers.

Reds—Boring bullshit Warren Beatty movie.

Reefer—Mezz, Louie, Detroit Red.

Rehab—Enabling center for junkies to network and lower tolerance.

Resin—Rezzies, black snot.

Rezzies—Tar.

Righteous—Not bad, bad, terrible, the worst; also, very good, the best.

Ritalin—Skittles, Buckley, William F. Skittles, Rit.

Roach—Cockroach, from the wriggling motion of the cockroach as it resembles the smoked-down butt of a marijuana cigarette when it dances la cuca rocha.

Rock—Chunk.

Rohypnol—Ropet, roofies,, woofies.

Roll—Pet the lightning.

Rush—Massive fraternity “lost weekend” causing nausea, vomiting, and possibly coma or death at institutions of higher learning; also initial high after heroin or amphetamine injection.

S is for Shit.

Sacrament—Owsley.

Safire—Doobie, after William Safire who, one night on Charlie Rose, asked Charlie, “What’s a doobie?”

Salvia divinorum—YouTube candy, Delphic oracle, mint.

Satchmo—Acid-saturated cigarette for smuggling.

Scag—Junk, shit, crapperjack.

Scheduled drugs—

1) Absolutely addicting with no medical value: Marijuana, LSD, Heroin.

2) Limited medical value: Opium, Cocaine.

3) Some medical value: Uppers, downers.

4) Medical value and non-addicting: Benzos.

Schmeckty Schmeck—Schmeck.

Schoolboys—Robitussin, Little Lord Fauntleroys, Harvey Cheneys.

Schwag—Low grade weed, sex, or anything.

Scopo—Scopo flow, Scopolamine, put on your nightshades the future is so bright.

Score—Cop, but no cop.

Scribe—Doc.

Scrip—What scribe writes.

Scuzz—When John D. Punkfester passes out while still sitting up usually from heroin, in front of the TV set, which is left on all night.

Seventeen Fifty-One—Possession, by New York statute.

Shaman—Dealer, connection, roadman, medicine man, Rolling Thunder.

Shit—Said ritually when drugs wear off.

Shiva—Legendary pot-headed God, said to have knocked over his hookah while dancing, thus creating the Bay of Bengal.

Shoot—Boot gravy.

Shortie Shortcount—Gainesville Gary moniker.

Shotgun—Blow pot smoke into partner’s mouth.

Skeezer—Prostitute with collapsed veins in gutter with exposed snapper.

Skin pop—Rubberarm one’s own artillery.

Skunk—Pepe le Peu, Tomato Dog, stinkweed, the good stuff.

Smack—Hit.

Smash—Smack.

Smoke Carpet Samples at Menard’s—What really hopeless crackheads do.

Smurt—Cigarette made of all the ciggy butts found in random ashtrays.

Sniff—Schmeck.

Snort—Sniff, snuff, snaffle, hoover.

Snowcaps—Cocaine sprinkled over marijuana bong hits.

Soapers—Eclipses of the sun and moon, sunglasses in the moonshade.

Softballs—Tranks, soap bars, down boys, Beach Boys, beach balls.

Soma—Haoma.

Space—Space out, Space is the Place, space a space-base bake out, forget.

Space a space-base bake out—I forgot.

Spark an Owl—Light up, lighten up, chill.

Speed—Amperage, meth, Branch Davidian hoax.

Speedball—Belushi, It’s Saturday Night Dead, Chang and Eng.

Spike—Syringe, Spike Lee, Spike Jones, Space Needle.

Split—Diminutive of blast; spread the nutcracker.

Spoon—Cooker, hot dish, one fondue hold the chalet.

Sports-related Spouse Beating—see Alcohol.

Squacking the Shag of Georgina’s Doomafloogy—Looking for a chunk of crack in your wife or girlfriend’s vagina, in the off chance it bounced up there.

Square—Straight, egghead, stool, bloody stool, cigarette, cigarette head, station wagon head, corporate asshole, white picket face, 50s guy who looks like Kerouac.

Stash—Inside toilet tank; behind brick walls, or book-case; anywhere you are sure ot forget it.

Steamboat—Inhale cockroach accidentally.

Step on—Whack, cut.

Steroids—Steroids to Heaven.

Stick—Dynamite, JJ-rolled J.

STP—Secret Tweaker Pad.

Stropharia Cubensis—Dung growing divinity, the magic mushroom.

Strung Out on Rainbows—Feeling one gets watching TV with sound off, nodding off on Tuinals, downs, barbs.

Strych-back—Tripper’s tetanus, Lockjaw Davisitis.

Strychnine—Strike three.

Stuff—Mind-matter chatter from the magma mater. “What are you thinking about?” “Stuff.”

Stymie the Dimie—Wooly Bully Blunt.

Sugar Cure—Angel’s Catnip, Dirty #7.

T is for Two.

Tabs—Pellets.

Taking out Abraham Lincoln for a Zoink—Getting someone high for his first time.

Taste—Small or large amount depending on length of stay.

Teardrop—Baggie corner tax.

Teener—1/16.

Telegraph—Subtle gesture misunderstood when too high and not worth repeating.

Terps—Turpentine, terebrinth, triple moon goddess.

THC—Chronic, herbalz, tracy. hydro, tunes, CDs, trees,

Third eye—Evil eye, death brow, pupil laser, what killed Phillip K. Dick.

Thirty-three-oh-five—New York State Law that requires possession of amount held below the minimum required to be possessed or presumed for owning or selling.

Thorazine—Thor, Hammer of the Goners.

Throwing the Mackerel Back into the Tornado—Passing on a Gainesville Gary bag, changing your mind, going back, and finding out that Bongwater Brian just bought it on credit.

Tina—Meth stick dipped in Viagra while in Vegas with hookers.

Tobacco—Backy, shag, cigmos, cowboy killers, ciggy willy dillys, cigar-cigarette-Tiepolo?

Toke—One Toke Over the Line with de Tocqueville.

Tolly—Tolerance/Intolerance.

Tommy Terp the Twerp—Straight.

Tooter Turtle—Coke dealer.

Triptriptic—Tryptamine.

Tranquilizers—Benzos and Barbies

Tweak—Glass, crank, meth, go, zip, speed.

Tubal—TV (Pynchon).

TV—Hypnotic/sedative causing hypoxia while depressing CNS, the Vegetable Channel.

U is for Uh . . .

UFOs—Unmarkeds, narcs, white vans, undercover unaccountable vehicles parked everywhere.  

Ultra V—see Alcohol.

Uncut—Pure, pure nonsense.

Universal Mind—The Door.

V is for Valium.

Valium—Soft benzo landing on reentry, Vals, Frans Vals, Frans van der Vaals.

Vedas—Ancient manuals for shrooming.

Viagra—Hot Rod Lincoln, sweethearts, valentines.

Vibe—Set, setting, and match.

Vicodin—Vico, Viking, Odin.

Viper—Pothead.

Virola—Snuff, snuff said.

Vitamin X—Vitamin E.

Vodka—Baltic acid, jello shots.

Volsteads—Zombies.

W is for Wake and Bake.

Weird out—Gaslight, creep out, freak out in moonage daydream.

Wennies—Smokable crank scabs.

Whipped Cream—Nitrous.

Whipsaws—Wham whams and zoo zoos

White cross—20th century motivator.

Whizzinator—Concealed device to conceal THC content for shit job you don’t even want for a company you hope will go under for insisting on drug-testing.

Wired—Wiped, wasted, wrecked, zoned.

Wizard of Oz—Dealer in ounces.

Wood rose—Baby wood rose, Baby would rise if baby had a rose.

Wooly Mammoth Primo—Blunt dipped in cocaine, heroin, and PCP.

Work—Obscure Anglo-Saxon verb, used as a curse word in the drug culture.  “Hey!  Go work yourself to death, white-collar conservative jive turkey, ha! ha! ha!”

Wu Wei—Ride me High!

X is for Xanax.

Xanax—X men, bars, footballs, four bars, X boxes, chill pills.

X-Man—Benzohead.

Y is for Yage.

Yage—Ayahuasca found at the Amazonian intersection of Mimosa and Vine.

Yellow jacket—Nimbie, moonie, nebbish, nose nuggeteer from Namibia.

Yohimbine—Yohimbo, yohimboner.

Yo-yo—Injection of yohimbine into base of penis

Z is for the End.